We are all the same.
And isn't that a relief?
Yesterday as I was walking my dog, I saw one of my neighbors walking with her husband to her house. He went inside, and she kept walking forward straight to me. She looked intent on speaking to me. I didn’t know why. She asked me if I remembered last weekend when my family and I were all walking by her house on one of our “family walks.” Of course I did. She has a small plant she’s trying to grow in her front yard, and she had recently put a teeny, tiny porcelain house next to it. We had stopped to look at it because my daughter thinks the toy house is “so cute.” So when she stopped me last night, I immediately, hoped I/we hadn’t done something to upset or offend her.
Instead she said “I am SO sorry.”
Um…what? I had to think back to the exact interaction from a few days ago. We had stopped to look at the plant with the tiny house while the our neighbor was on her porch. She told us that she put the tiny house there so dogs would hopefully not pee on her plant. She went on to say that she’s planning to add a few more to make a whole little village of porcelain houses around the plant.
“Isn’t that so cool, Brookie?” I asked my daughter.
“Yeah! Awww,” she responded. We chatted a bit more and then kept walking.
Apparently this interaction weighed heavily on my neighbor.
“I must have sounded like such a bitchy neighbor. I am SO sorry. It was just so passive aggressive.”
It took me a second to process why she was apologizing. It was an innocent enough interaction to me. But then I realized she thought her comments came across as an underhanded way to scold and warn us not to let our dog pee on her plant.
It was in that moment I realized we are all the same. She was having social anxiety, ruminating over what she had said, how it was received and whether she had conducted herself the “right” way. But we did not perceive her comments as anythign other than good-natured neighborly chit-chat, and I made sure to tell her as much.
“Oh my God, that is SO not what I thought at ALL,” I told her. “Please tell me you haven’t been ruminating over this since then.”
“Well, I did for like 24 hours, and then I just figured I’d run into you soon and say something rather than knock on your door and seem like a crazy stalker lady.”
At that point, we had a good laugh.
I told her I get social anxiety all the time and am constantly replaying conversations, kicking myself for the things I said or didn’t say. (Hell, it happened earlier this week when a coworker and I were chatting about people that irritate us, and I went on to relay a story about someone in my life who hurt me and who is no longer part of my life. After that conversation, I was beating myself up for gossiping about this person — even though the words will never get back to them. I was mad at myself for simply putting that negative energy out in the world, for not leading by the example I want to lead by. In yoga, gossip is associated with the throat chakra. It’s the area of the body where your voice lies, the area of communication. We open our mouths, loosen our jaws, stretch our necks in yoga to use the throat chakra in a positive way. It’s best used to speak with love, kindness and clarity — not to vent, complain or bitch. I think about this often, and whenever I have a sore throat, strep, reflux, etc, I do wonder if it’s karma for misusing my voice in those areas.)
But hearing how she thought her words were perceived, learning that she overanalyzes just like me, it was such an a-ha moment for me. She does the same inane shit I do! We are all the same! We are all going through our own little shitstorms of self-doubt, traversing on this planet trying to figure out what the hell we are doing here and how we can best connect with each other. Recognizing that oneness that we all hold, that sameness, I felt lighter, relieved. I walked away with a sense of freedom. Not only are we all the same, but that also means that like my neighbor, most of the time the things I say and later obsess over…the other person is probably not giving it a second thought.
I hope my neighbor is feeling better after our conversation, and that I made it clear enough that I was completely unoffended by what she said and that I would never hold some little offhand comment like that against her. And I hope I remember this moment when it comes to my tendency to retroactively berate myself about my conversations with others in the future.
**Coming up with Lighten Up with Lara:
-June: I am leading private prenatal group yoga classes for two friends at my home over the next few weeks. DM me if you’re interested in private yoga classes in your home, my home, at a park, with a friend, etc.!
-July 12th: I am working on setting up a “Mommy & Me Separately” yoga class with my friend, Mindful Miss K. She will lead children ages 5+ in a kids yoga class, while I lead caretakers in a class next to them. That way, caregivers get some alone adult time, as their children are well cared for and safe just nearby …also doing yoga :) More details to come!
-July 26th: I am teaching Yoga and Meditation at the Harbor! It’s a free community meditation and yoga class sponsored by MVP Health Care, held Sunday morning at Mohawk Harbor in Schenectady, right next to Druther’s and the casino. Meditation is 8:30-8:50am. Yoga is 9-10am.